Anyway, I want to add a section about my years as being Mason. Did you know that many of the older Masons were veterans from the armed forces. The military discipline shows up during the Lodge ceremonies. Sometimes, the discipline is carried to far. Well, as the old Masons die off the Lodge starts to mellow out and become a little more laid back which is good for me as I'm pretty laid back. Probably to much at times.
I was introduced to Masonry by an old friend of mine, David Grabish, bless his soul where ever he may be. Yes, he is still alive, somewhere is Florida. It was after my first year and having become a Master Mason that I followed through the officer's chairs. I had made it to Junior Stewart when I got ZAPPED with a severe heart attack which nearly fucking killed me. I had three near death experiences and I was only 47 years old.
I never felt the same again both mentally or physically. I became detached from my inner self. I was lost. I would no longer be that kind, charitable, friendly person that I had been proud to be. I became withdrawn and introverted. It was difficult to function. Every day was felt like a chore to stay alive. The following year before my 48 year I went to Sunnybrook for heart surgery. My chance of living they said was 90%. I must of had a damn good doctor. He cut away a piece of my heart and made the thing smaller, sewed it up and put a patch on it, did one bypass and sent me home a few days latter, never to see the doctor again.
So here I am, alive and hurting for the past many years, waiting for that fatal blow to strike me and send me into the darkness forever. Everyday, I have thought about and struggled with death. Every day of my life has been a living hell. I'm am almost alcoholic but I don't smoke.
I stayed with Masonry and I'm still there today. My mental capacity having somewhat diminished affected my memory and my ability to memorize. Of course, this pulled me down as an acceptable officer of the Lodge. It was extremely difficult to memorize the Lodge work required for each lodge office. I suppose with a few friends help I was able to bypass the heavy workload of memorizing certain work. Noted by me, it's only been the last six years that I started drinking excessively.
As times changed my old friend moved on, we had a falling out. I suppose he took it more serious than I did. I've tried to hold out the olive branch to him but he refuses to take hold. I moved to another Lodge as I had probably made more enemies there, my stupid fault, but I wanted to continue with the Lodge. I ended up at North Gate Lodge 591 in Pickering Village. from here I went through four chairs and final on to become a Master of the Lodge. Every step of the way was no less than a struggle and nobody really understood what I was going through. In the last year I didn't have a car and it was difficult to maintain my obligations. I became disconnected and somewhat of an out cast. My two senior officers showed less respect as time continued until I was going to quit in the middle of the year... Damn, all they needed was a quitter, this would ruin their reputation,and they can't let that happen.
After our next meeting a motion was passed, due to lack of interest and attendance that all future lodge meeting be suspended. Basically, the attending membership fell to 7 members from about 10. The total membership was only 32. The lodge was shut down or put into Darkness.
The committee I picked made it into a ceremony.
Afterward, two brother or more agreed and gave me a PM Jewel. A couple of other brother's disagreed as they felt I was an asshole and didn't complete the term as a Worshipful Master. This was the same two that I had appointed to chair the committee to close the lodge. Little did they realize that according to the Grand Lodge Constitution, to be recognized as a Past Master, I would have to be master for 12 months. The Lodge was officially closed 7 months after my 12 month term. I was the head of the committee. I guess what goes around comes around. No one could take the jewel away from me.
Anyway, I cut back on my drinking, I don't drink and drive anymore.
I returned to my Mother Lodge, West Hill. I lifted up my head and connected with the new breed of officers. I've still got a long way to go. I'll come back to this later.
I was introduced to Masonry by an old friend of mine, David Grabish, bless his soul where ever he may be. Yes, he is still alive, somewhere is Florida. It was after my first year and having become a Master Mason that I followed through the officer's chairs. I had made it to Junior Stewart when I got ZAPPED with a severe heart attack which nearly fucking killed me. I had three near death experiences and I was only 47 years old.
I never felt the same again both mentally or physically. I became detached from my inner self. I was lost. I would no longer be that kind, charitable, friendly person that I had been proud to be. I became withdrawn and introverted. It was difficult to function. Every day was felt like a chore to stay alive. The following year before my 48 year I went to Sunnybrook for heart surgery. My chance of living they said was 90%. I must of had a damn good doctor. He cut away a piece of my heart and made the thing smaller, sewed it up and put a patch on it, did one bypass and sent me home a few days latter, never to see the doctor again.
So here I am, alive and hurting for the past many years, waiting for that fatal blow to strike me and send me into the darkness forever. Everyday, I have thought about and struggled with death. Every day of my life has been a living hell. I'm am almost alcoholic but I don't smoke.
I stayed with Masonry and I'm still there today. My mental capacity having somewhat diminished affected my memory and my ability to memorize. Of course, this pulled me down as an acceptable officer of the Lodge. It was extremely difficult to memorize the Lodge work required for each lodge office. I suppose with a few friends help I was able to bypass the heavy workload of memorizing certain work. Noted by me, it's only been the last six years that I started drinking excessively.
As times changed my old friend moved on, we had a falling out. I suppose he took it more serious than I did. I've tried to hold out the olive branch to him but he refuses to take hold. I moved to another Lodge as I had probably made more enemies there, my stupid fault, but I wanted to continue with the Lodge. I ended up at North Gate Lodge 591 in Pickering Village. from here I went through four chairs and final on to become a Master of the Lodge. Every step of the way was no less than a struggle and nobody really understood what I was going through. In the last year I didn't have a car and it was difficult to maintain my obligations. I became disconnected and somewhat of an out cast. My two senior officers showed less respect as time continued until I was going to quit in the middle of the year... Damn, all they needed was a quitter, this would ruin their reputation,and they can't let that happen.
After our next meeting a motion was passed, due to lack of interest and attendance that all future lodge meeting be suspended. Basically, the attending membership fell to 7 members from about 10. The total membership was only 32. The lodge was shut down or put into Darkness.
The committee I picked made it into a ceremony.
Afterward, two brother or more agreed and gave me a PM Jewel. A couple of other brother's disagreed as they felt I was an asshole and didn't complete the term as a Worshipful Master. This was the same two that I had appointed to chair the committee to close the lodge. Little did they realize that according to the Grand Lodge Constitution, to be recognized as a Past Master, I would have to be master for 12 months. The Lodge was officially closed 7 months after my 12 month term. I was the head of the committee. I guess what goes around comes around. No one could take the jewel away from me.
Anyway, I cut back on my drinking, I don't drink and drive anymore.
I returned to my Mother Lodge, West Hill. I lifted up my head and connected with the new breed of officers. I've still got a long way to go. I'll come back to this later.
No comments:
Post a Comment